(By That’s No Moon…)
1. Which Star Wars episode is your favorite, and why?:
Definitely Empire Strikes Back. I love it’s dark tone and fantastical presence. It’s clear that this was the episode in which Lucas was first comfortable to explore his new galaxy and get creative with it, without being bound by exposition. This film really gives the Empire an ominous presence, given the rebels are essentially running from them throughout the entire film from place to place. (From Hoth, to the asteroid fields, to Bespin.) All of which are more stunning than the next. The introduction of Yoda, Luke’s initial showdown with Vader, and the discovery that Vader is Luke’s father. This episode was the one that made the entire series for me.
2. Who is your favorite Star Wars character, and why?:
In a complicated way, I like Luke and Han together. Meaning, on their own Luke is a little too whiney and Han is a little too cocky. Don’t mistake me, they’re still quite loveable and endearing. I only mean that Luke and Han grow closer together and learn from each other throughout the series, and eventually become like brothers. Luke learns to become more of a man and less of a whiney little bitch through Han toughening him up and teaching him the harsh realities of the world. But on the other hand, Luke’s young and warm presence softens some of Han’s cynicism and inspires him to be less self-absorbed. I often feel like I’m two people, the young adventurer, and the hard-washed rogue. Each of these appeals to Luke and Han respectively, and it’s the balance of the two that I’ve come to appreciate most, if that makes any sense.
3. What is your favorite planet in the Star Wars universe, and why?:
I do like Hoth a lot. It has a wonderful aesthetic and the creatures are really cool. (Taun tauns and Wampas). Though Utapau is pretty sweet as well.
4. If you could live on any planet in Star Wars, which would it be and why?:
Probably Naboo or Endor. I like trees and greenery.
5. Which is your favorite starship from Star Wars?:
I love any of the ships like the Millenium Falcon, The Ebon Hawk (KOTOR), and The Outrider (Shadows of the Empire). Though Y-Wings and A-Wings are sick. I also really like the Jedi Starship from Episode 2. I really don’t like the prequels, but that chase scene between Obi Wan and Jango Fett was rad.
6. If you could have hot sci fi fantasy sex with any Star Wars character, who would it be?:
Either Padme or one of those Twi’lek bitches.
7. If you could marry any Star Wars character, who would it be?:
Probably Leia. I love Natalie Portman, but not Padme. Watching that idiotic bullshit that she calls a relationship between her and Anakin, yeah. I don’t want any part of that. “Anakin… you’re breaking my heart!” Leia would’ve been like “Motha fucka… I seriously might shoot you right now.” I need a woman like that in my life.
8. If you could be best friends with any Star Wars character, who would it be?:
Chewbacca, hands down.
9. Would you rather be a:
a. Jedi
b. Sith
c. Smuggler
d. Bounty Hunter
e. Rogue Squadron Leader
f. Republic / Imperial Commando
And why?:
Probably a Jedi. You get a little bit of everything as a Jedi so it’s kind of cheating, really. But I also like that the Jedi is asked to be entirely selfless, but at the same time given great power. It’s like giving a kid a cookie and saying “You can only eat this when you’re really, really hungry. Or give it to someone else if you think they need it more.” I think that’s really beautiful and I wish I could live like that.
10. If you were to be a Jedi, who would you ideally have as your master and why?:
Either Yoda or Mace Windu. It’d be nice if I could get both. I’d want Yoda to train me because of his wisdom, I would love to learn from him in that regard. However, Mace Windu would train with great discipline and if I trained under him I’d be the biggest badass ever and would probably be hella good in lightsaber duels.
11. What is your favorite Star Wars video game?:
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 1 and 2. I always loved Star Wars, but when this came out was when I really got into the expanded universe. I also really like Republic Commando (though it was very short and had a cliff hanger ending that was never resolved), Shadows of the Empire on N64, and any of the SNES games. But KOTOR kills them all. Still havent played SWTOR though.
12. What is your favorite story/series from the expanded universe, and why?:
I love Shadows of the Empire. I originally got the graphic novel when I was pretty young, around the same time I was playing the N64 game. I looove episode 5 and Shadows is kind of like… episode 5.5. I always wished they had actually made it into a film. I’m not crazy about Xizor, really, but it’s not so outright that I can’t ignore it. I definitely feel that if it had been made into a film, Xizor could very easily turn out to be one of the cheesiest villains of all time, or if done right could be an evil mastermind. Anyway, I absolutely love Dash Rendar and The Outrider. I think he’s a great character, kind of like an even more devil-may-care Han Solo. I like the story altogether, the whole Swoop Gang arch, you see Luke construct his first lightsaber (which is a big fucking deal), you see a LOT more of Boba Fett which is really cool (he fights off essentially every other bounty hunter in the galaxy in his efforts to transport Solo from Bespin to Tatooine.) OVerall it’s just a great installment and it still feels very Star Wars, even though it’s expanded universe.
13. Which is your least favorite Star Wars episode, and why?:
It’s a tie between Episodes 1 and 2. 3 is pretty bad as well, honestly. If you’ve ever watched a Plinkett Review on any of these films, it could sum up my thoughts in a way more entertaining manner. Let me put it this way; I took a couple film classes in high School, and I’m pretty confident I could’ve made an exponentially better movie than any of the prequels giving the same amount of funding and support that Lucas had. This isn’t saying that I’m special, this is just saying that there was a lot of rudementary fundamentals of storytelling that Lucas was very obviously missing in all three of the prequels. The most obvious of which being the characters. In the original trilogy, Mark Hamill, Carrie Ann Fisher, and Harrison Ford all sort of wrote their own dialogue. Fisher supposedly wrote a third of the screenplay, Ford improved most of his lines, Hamill rewrote a lot of his. Back then, Lucas was an up and comer and the actors were given more freedom to explore their characters, which was essential to their believability. There was either footage or audio taken of a confrontation between Ford and Lucas, in which Lucas was getting on Ford’s case for not sticking to the script, to which Ford replied “Look, George. You can write this shit, but you can’t SAY it.” Case in point, Lucas is a terrible writer. Wonderful storyteller, awful writer. Now that Lucas is GEORGE LUCAS, this is much more apparent as he basically micromanaged all of his actors to death and you can vividly see that every single actor in the film is throwing 98% of their lines. Lucas even said upon making episode 5, something to the affect of “It’s better to tell a story than to have cool effects.” And in the last 20 years his view on filmmaking has changed to “shove as much shit onto the screen as humanly possible.”
14. Who is your least favorite Star Wars character, and why?:
Fucking Jar Jar Binks. I despise that character with every fibre of my body. If there was one character that I was absolutely aching to see killed on screen in episode 3, it was him. I was completely heartbroken when I saw he made it through the entire filmed unscathed. If I need to explain why I hate Jar Jar Binks, then you are a fucking idiot.
15. If there was anything you could change about Star Wars, what would it be, and why?:
I would end Episode 3 right after the helmet comes on and he takes his first mechanical breath as Darth Vaider. Like literally… helmet comes down… all is black… we hear the breathing apparatus begin to start and then that classic and ominous sound that we all know so well. aaaaannnnd END CREDITS. How powerful would that have been? We don’t need a nice little bow tied on top of everything at this point. In fact, now that you’ve revealed that Padme is carrying twins and one is going to Alderaan whereas the other goes to Tatooine, and they’re named Luke and Leia, and that Kenobi is going to Tatooine to watch over Luke… well now you’ve basically ruined all of the cool shit that we had to find out for ourselves before this stupid ass movie came out. I would have casted that Sixth Sense kid as young Anakin (can you believe Lucas passed on that kid to take that vile little fuck that played Anakin in the movie?). I would have portrayed Anakin completely differently. (Darth Vaider would NEVER say “Yippee!”, even if he is fucking nine.) He would not be nearly as moody and lame as he is in episode 2 and most of episode 3. I would completely remove Jar Jar from the series, or at least have him viciously maimed at some point for morale. I wouldn’t have left a shitload of plot holes between the original and the prequels, I would have STUCK WITH THE MATERIAL THAT I ALREADY HAD AND THAT HAD ALREADY BEEN SUCCESSFUL AND WOULD HAVE STAYED IN CONTINUITY WITH THAT INSTEAD OF GOING BACK AND FUCKING UP SOMETHING THAT GENERATIONS HAVE COME TO LOVE AND TREASURE. I would change absolutely nothing about the original trilogy.
16. Overall, what is your favorite thing about Star Wars?:
The applicability. I mean, it’s a pretty basic archetype, but that’s also what’s so great about it. It works. Everyone can relate to these characters, and apply pieces of each and every one of them to pieces of their own life. It’s created a huge family of people who are united under a silly fantasy world that some bearded guy dreamed up in college. That’s a pretty amazing thing, really.
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it's a space station.